NICENESS

She needed him

But he claims he needed a trim.

“Shit came up” (as he likes to put it).

Now she fade up.(Or as she likes to put it)

“You chose ‘shit’ over me?!?

You better choose sleep over me 

‘Cause what we had is now a dream offer from me”.

His facial expressions clearly showed he wished his hair could grow back.

His eyes clearly showed he wished his bae could let him crawl back.

Her anger clearly showed she wished he’d simply called back.

Her: “See, I love you”

Him: “You do?”

Her: “Yes I do, but do you?”

Him: “Of course I love you”

Her: “No. I mean do you love you?

         If you did, you’d know what’s good       for you”

Him: “I know you’re good for and to me”

Her: “I’m sick of waiting for you to prove it to me”

It was then that he started regretting why he’d reduced her from a priority to a choice.

Unfortunately, that’s also when he lost his voice.

Her: “Since you have nothing to say for yourself, I want you to listen.

You know I’m never this pissed so stop looking at me like I’m some vixen.

I love you, fool

But what you did was uncool.

You do not want to be in the state I was in

And the one person you’re counting on chooses the state you were in.”

This dude thought he’d seen karma before

But never with this much drama before.

There are so many nice people in this world.

And they chose you out of all the people in this world

So don’t reduce their niceness to ‘just their nature’.

As much as it is their nature, 

They’re very intentional with who they are nice to.

So please get rid of your vice too

And stop taking them for granted

Since they can stop being nice too if they wanted.

Allow me apologize to all those whose niceness has been misunderstood.

May you let Jesus take the wheel like He was asked by Miss Underwood.

Please be wise enough not to let your niceness be exploited.

Or else it will be too late to act rationally after your emotions have exploded.

TWENTY-SIXTEEN

The year I voted for the first time

And my vote never counted after all those hours in line.

The year I turned twenty nine

And realized you can age and stay fffiiine.

The year some “fest” that had put us on a fast

Chose to come back and bless us with Phatfest.

The year VPN was my best

And the Uganda Cranes passed the AFCON test

While Micho wasn’t being paid

As SK Mbuga got laid.

The year I rubbed shoulders with a few Ugandan celebrities

And got introduced to a few new amenities.

The year my wifey chose to be funny 

By writing a letter to me, as my unborn child, implying I was going to be a daddy.

The year I wrote a piece honouring the Lantern meet of poets

And recited for the first time to emerge as winner of Rotaract Club of Kampala City’s night for poets.

The year we really spoke out against being “friend-zoned”

And Crane Bank was closed.

The year Wiz Kid chose to kid

And Mabirizi dropped on us his presidential bid.

The year Obama was replaced by a Trump

And the U.S police trended online for some messed up racial stunt.

The year Justin Bieber grew up

And Luzinda chose to screw up.

The year the Rolex got a festival

And Kanyamunyu chose to test evil.

The year Dr. Stella Nyanzi dropped her clothes

And the President decided Makerere should close.

The year that was as crazy as six teens 

But can simply be summed up as “TWENTY-SIXTEEN”.

PUNCHLINES

If you can’t see my blessings, you must be “see-sick.”

They’ve created a tidal wave so huge it’s making you seasick.

I’m busy “Son bathing” in case you missed the memo.

I didn’t say “sun bathing” so I’m no gecko. 

Just pushing my life’s bicycle like Sevo.

I’m a poet and not a rapper like Keko.

She drops bars; I drop punchlines at the same level.

So don’t underestimate my threat level, Donald Trump.

But unlike him, I don’t sound like Donald Duck.

Each time Trump opens his mouth, I just go on and duck. 

I wish the USA the best of luck. 

If he wins, they might just experience the best of lack.

I mean lack of brains.

Just like Sevo, he will bring them no gains. 

LANTERN MEET

Once in awhile you’ll find me at the national theatre but I’m no “muzungu hunter”.It’s the knowledge from the various dance workshops that I’m usually after.

Uganda national cultural centre is actually a sanctuary for artists like me.

This is because when I’m not dancing I’m writing poetry; so bite me.

Allow me describe some of the coolest poets that have graced that stage.

I’m not going to list names so prepare to get your mind out of it’s cage.

There was a dark fellow whose tongue did a better job than the serpent’s with Eve when it came to making sales. 

If you think you’re good at rejecting salespersons, it’s because you have never heard the poetry in what he sells.

There was a lady whose voice would make you numb to chemotherapy. 

It was overwhelmingly soothing that it would make you get more therapy.

One dude loved travelling by bus.. 

But you wouldn’t want to stop listening to him make a fuss…

About the potholes that made a chic belch her chicken 

And a ghetto boy whose armpits were written 

Off as rotten. 

There was a lady that made corporate prostitution sound like a suitable career choice for your child. 

She was calm on the stage but between the sheets she was wild. 

A certain dude ran a restaurant.

 His clients always showed up to rest or rant.

He wrote a very poetic letter to his old friend in the diaspora… 

And that just showed off how awesome he was as a scholar. 

His restaurant cleaners turned their chores into story time… 

About a gory time…

When a friend chose to mourn… 

By making his friend’s widow moan.

There was this babe whose tale on crossing roads

Would leave you at crossroads.

I cannot forget the uber driver whose attempt to switch gears…

 Ended up eliminating his fears…

Of being a gaenacologist. 

And left him saying, “Can I follow this?”

He was driving on a wide path..

But got distracted by a narrower path. 

I saw a politician reward his population… 

By offering a corporate prostitute copulation.

He referred to his inability to stay away from state booty…

As “state duty”.

I witnessed a ghetto boy offer the wisest advice on how to respond to political stress. 

He told us, not to forget that, “They have guns and we have none” to deal with their political mess.

I also watched a very brilliant drunkard remind us of how we were politically not sober.

I hope you’re having a very vivid image of these poets so far.

Then my mind was blown away by a fresh graduate who asked me if I was Ugandan a day before my country’s 54th independence day.

He said, “Uganda is the orgasm I never had” and I immediately knew I need to pen this day.

The above people are all available for a “meet and greet”…

So if you’re up for it, let us (at the Lantern) meet.

MATURITY

Here’s something I wrote for the woman that ain’t immature to her one true love  
                           MATURITY 
I want you to look at me the way Adam gazed at Eve 

And not the way men stare at my butt when I turn to leave.

You can have all of me only if it means without me you’ll be empty 

my parents should reject your bride price because they find you hefty

I’m so hooked but sili muloge like Naava

Help me believe you ain’t trying to just get me under covers 
Baby, let’s not seek a fairy-tale but insure an eternity 

I’m willing to let you introduce me to maternity 

You have ma girls all acting like you’re part of a fraternity 
When it’s all said and done

It’s only you I wanna call my man

So we should never end up undone. 

No doubt, times will be rough;

Its why we need to prove our love is tough.

Sayin’ “I do” won’t be enough. 

For continuity 

We must have maturity.

REAL TALK

I don’t “sleep tight”; I sleep loose.It’s so natural that I have never had to choose.

When it rains, it doesn’t mean the sun is set.

It just means rain has the power to make the sun’s effect wet.

That’s how snow manages to make a sunny day cold.

Sometimes when the odds are against you, you should still stand bold.

It’s with such a mentality that a mongoose will make a King Cobra fold.

Don’t turn age into a limitation by calling yourself “old”.

If one business man we know had done so, KFC buckets would have never been sold. 

Take time to really understand yourself fully.

That will help you avoid making life your bully. 

Let your scars be memories of triumph. 

Exercise fully or try half…

Of any legitimate workout.

Wrestle your fears until they tap out. 

Not everyone you meet in this life will be for you.

Never misuse the opportunities placed before you.

It’s okay to have haters but don’t go around making enemies. 

Being at peace with everyone has many benefits. 

Sometimes dealing with people comes with friction

So as you figure out whether it’s worth it make sure you separate reality from fiction. 

You were put on this earth for a mission. 

It’s hard (we know) so quit whining and be strong. 

You are already writing your story with or without “writer’s block”.

You’re going to be a part of history with or without a blog.

This ain’t about whether you went to school or not.

This is about whether you’re willing to graduate from the school of the hard knocks. 

Life doesn’t play fair

But it’s time you showed it you can handle your welfare. 

The reason they’re called “your shoes” is because they fit

So quit trying to walk in them the way people see fit.

They’re not on theirs but your feet.

Whether you bounce, stroll, roll, jog or run in them should always be your choice. 

The decisions in your life should be backed up by your voice.

Mistakes and all.

Whether they make you rise or fall,

That should still be your call.

Surround yourself with real folk.

I know this sounds like poetry but it’s also real talk.

In this life, tribulation is inevitable. 

Stop trying to deal with it alone because it will crush you like a vegetable.

I don’t know about your Faith but I know my God is able.

He’ll never leave nor forsake me.

He proved that by choosing to save me.

By now you’ve probably noticed I’m not debating His existence. 

I’m just letting you know He’s the reason for my persistence. 

I don’t have “much” but I do have overwhelming contentment. 

The peace and joy I have is hard to keep in containment. 

It’s all from above. 

And these ain’t orders but one Love.

CUPID’S PIN

His mouth can’t speak but his heart always squeaks.His eyes are always dry but his emotion leaks.

If she could have her way, she would propose.

She’s an Alpha and she’s been told he ain’t her type but that she would oppose.

His gaze has the thirst and boldness of a werewolf in it

But his words continuously prove he’s quite timid.

She blushes on purpose just so she can win it.

He sticks up for her in fights and loses

But still won’t let her nurse his bruises.

Her bullies have left his ego bruised 

But she loves him anyhow and this leaves him confused.

He’s too shy to see that their destinies have been fused.

He’s not ticklish but her touch gives him the same sensation. 

She talks, he listens and that’s his preferred conversation. 

If Cupid started this, he must have used a pin.

She’s so cute that she could have a puppy listed as her next of kin.

Hurt him and she’ll make you pay for your sin.

Her friends think he’s slow but they should ask his heartbeat first.

No I didn’t say “fast”

I know you’re thinking it but the word you read last is now in the past .

If you took him away, she’d go on a fast.

And if she found out you were responsible, your neck would end up in a cast.

This ain’t your typical romantic movie cast.

He’s a shy boy

But she says, “Why not?”

Even when he acts coy.

You might think she bullied him into loving her but if you could see their hearts,

You’d clearly see that his is wearing the pants. 

(Drops pen and walks away while crowd chants)